It's here. RAGE is back! Every part of my being was completely consumed with rage. The world can fuck off! Everyone and everything can fuck off. No one gives a shit about me! If they did I would not be alone with the raging hell in my head. The slightest noise agitated me. I was grinding my teeth so hard that my jaw ached. In fact I was so damn tense my whole body hurt. Someone must have plugged me into the mains cos man was I wired. I got in my car and drove to my therapist. We talked about my anger but it didn't go away. We talked about relaxation but there was no way that was happening. As I drove home with Metallica booming out the stereo I pulled over and screamed. I screamed, shouted and swore until I couldn't catch my breath. Sludge had morphed into Rage and I couldn't stop him. Fuck this! Fuck life! If I drove into a tree at full speed it would end it all. It would serve the world right. Why the fuck should I bother staying around when this was all life was offering? Then Rage did what he often did...he left. He morphed back into Sludge.
From adrenaline and cortisol to deep despair. Tears came with such force that I shook violently. I felt so alone, abandoned and alienated. Rationally I knew I was loved and that loved ones were doing all they could for me so it was unfair to lay the blame at their doors.
There was only one thing, one entity that I could blame and he got it all! If he was so powerful and almighty then he could take on little ole me..........in the red corner was me and in the blue was God.
Bring it on!!!!
