Do you find that the minute you commit to a new task or job an inner voice chooses to tell you all the reasons why you won't succeed? Meet your inner critic!
What is an inner critic?
Everyone has an inner critic that constantly monitors their behaviour. Self-criticism is a common, mostly unconscious habit. Some respond to failure with self-compassion, while others battle a severe inner voice that distorts perceptions, leading to constant self-doubt.
My very own inner critic.
I see some of my personality traits as characters, for example, low mood is Sludge, a bit like the Blob in the horror movies. Sludge is a shapeless mass of yuckiness that covers everything in a heavy darkness, draining energy and joy out of everything.
Rage is pretty self explanatory but is visualised as a beast tearing out of its host and roaring at the world while thrash metal screams away in the background.
Maureen, who can be found on various social media platforms, is an ignorant old dear who often gets things wrong.
The newest manifestation is my inner critic - meet the Judge, Judge Mental!
Judge Mental
The judge is a vicious man like creature who sees himself as vastly superior to little old me. (I have no idea why he is male but it could be something to do with patriarchy?)
His voice although well spoken, is grating. He peers over his glasses as if to look down on whatever I am doing. He sneers at new ideas and I can hear him tutting at my grammar and poor vocabulary. He sees my lack of higher education as a weakness and is forever telling me that I will never be enough.
Never good looking enough.
Never clever enough.
Never funny enough.
Never organised enough.
Never original enough.
Never worthy, never valued and never loveable enough!
I should face the fact that I am but a mere dot and should never try to be anything other than a dot. A tiny, insignificant dot!
Where does the Judge get his fuel from?
There are so many sources of fuel for the Judge to feed on. Any minuscule self-doubt is a way in for him. He loves to hear other peoples opinions of me and then use them against me when I show the slightest courage or interest in a new project.
every time I create new content for social media he never fails to drum up some insecurities.
In fact social media itself could bring on a feeding frenzy for my inner critic.
You do realise that your content is rubbish? No one wants to hear from a loser like you? Have you forgotten that you are not interesting enough? Who wants to hear you blathering on about your life? Just because you have experienced some mildly difficult times it doesn't make people want to hear you harping on about it. There are doctors with proper educations that help those in need. Not you!
Your content is uninteresting, badly written and dull enough to bore the pants off someone!
Another blow to my confidence came in the form of perimenopause and menopause. I had never heard of perimenopause and naively thought that still having periods meant that 'the Change' was years off.
You have just proved my point that you are not clever or knowledgeable! How did you not know about something that affects every person that has a menstrual cycle? How did you not recognise that the need to urinate at least twice an hour was a symptom? How did you not know that the menstrual cycle is only a small part of the hormonal changes and possible symptoms experienced? You haven't even got to grips with that extra weight you have acquired! You are no longer youthful or exciting. You lack energy and enthusiasm. Hormone replacement therapy might help your body but it won't make you interesting! You are well passed your best before date!
When it comes to running Claire's Chair, the Judge just sneers and laughs as he waits for the business to fail and for me to recognise that I really am that tiny, wee dot.
How to fend off the Judge
Turn down the volume of your negative inner voice and create a nurturing inner voice to take its place. ― Beverly Engel
Seeing the Judge as a character means I have the freedom to create other characters within me. Let me introduce a couple:-
Firstly, I have a rather bland but hugely curious librarian character who resembles Velma out of Scooby-Doo. She is determined to research , learn and understand new tech, new projects and new roles. Undeterred by the length of time it takes her to understand a new concept, my version of Velma is tenacious and unbothered by how the world sees her.
Next is the Wonder Woman/She-Ra like character for when I need to be confident, strong and courageous. This character is the voice that tells me not to hide away or doubt my purpose within the world. She reminds me that I can help those who feel they have little or no voice and is also the fierce mother who would do anything for her child.
Also I love a good power pose and a Wonder Woman stance is great for that.
So what can I do to fend off the Judge and his debilitating comments?
Well, nothing particularly scientific!
Tip 1
The first option is to change the Judge's voice or what he is saying. Many people favour thinking of the voice as Donald Duck's or Scooby -Doo's but for me, it's the Bla Bla technique.
Basically I bla bla bla back at him as I shoo him away. If he persists, so do I. Eventually this normally leads to laughter as I resort to telling him to 'feck all the way off!'
Simple yet effective!
Tip 2
Turn the interaction into a proper conversation. As the Judge starts to put me down I treat it as if he were a real person. I tell him that unless he can be helpful and constructive I will not continue the conversation. As he tries to argue with me about my worth and ability I just tell him 'no' and until he can be civil he has to leave or be quiet!
Tip 3
The Judge thinks he has free rein in my head and so it is up to me to recognise when it is him speaking and when it is my helpful inner voice. Once I am aware of who is doing the talking and see it is him, I begin to challenge what he says.
Is there really any truth in what he is saying or is he trying to stop me taking positive action for fear of failure?
Am I 100% useless, hopeless, stupid?
What backs up what he is saying?
What proof is there that I am not a complete failure?
What tasks/projects have I successfully completed?
If I am so incapable why do I have a job doing such and such or friends around me that love me?
Tip 4
This is similar to Tip 1 but involves a more visual tactic. My Judge wears a big white wig, small glasses perched on the end of his nose and a black gown. When I see him clearly in my mind's eye and feel intimidated I begin to change his look. My favourite action is to morph him into Maureen which goes along these lines....
The Judge's glasses change into Maureen's glasses. In the next step I notice he is wearing bright pink lipstick and starting to move his lips like Maureen does. Finally I see him wearing one of Maureen's brightly coloured headscarves and jacket.
Drag Queen he isn't but in all this visualising I find my mind taken away from the hurtful an belittling comments and a smile plonked firmly on my visage.
So to conclude, most of us have an inner voice that isn't particularly helpful. Instead it hinders our progress and may step of taking a leap of faith that would serve us well.
However your inner critic speaks to you and whatever it looks like be sure to provide it with a volume switch and remember to set it to low.💕
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