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  • Writer's pictureClaire Wortley

What is wrong with me?

Updated: Nov 23, 2020

'I can't be arsed verses do I need z's ?'

How often do you ask yourself that question, alot?

Sometimes it's hard to know if there is something actually wrong or am I just being lazy?

Since being diagnosed with a vitamin d deficiency I have been very wary of over exercising. The lack of Vit d has been causing extreme bouts of fatigue, leaving me feeling totally drained and sore. It's not like being tired because sleep or rest doesn't necessarily help.

I have been having muscle twinges, aches and pains and am now getting a wee bit fed up with it tbh!

It has been a few months since I started using a vit d spray so the extreme fatigue has gone but the electric shock like feelings still occur and I think they are linked to the mirtazapine withdrawal.

So what do I do about it ?

I think I am probably experiencing both withdrawal and low vit d symptoms. My muscles seem to take longer to heal but the electric shock twinges are few and far between and don't really bother me.

Thankfully I am in a place now where the above question isn't asked through anxiety but there have been many times where it had.

Over the years I have been through many spells of low mood and serious lethargy.

I had no enthusiasm. No drive. No passion. Nothing.

If I could stay hidden under the duvet until my dying day, bring it on!

Not even a Zombie Apocalypse would get me up. (To be honest I think they would probably have thought me their leader.)

I didn't give a crap. Life was shite and so was I.

Even once I dragged myself out of bed, showered and nibbled on a piece of toast, I still had no drive.

It's a bit like being emotionally brain dread. Nothing riles you cos that would take energy and you don't have any. Nothing inspires you cos it's all boring. Nothing provokes anything in you, except maybe the thought of the next day which provokes fear that you will have to do all this drab shite again the next day.

So should I have just sat and done nothing till the low mood passed over? I don't know in all truth.

I am glad that I did keep pushing though but reduce it to gentle nudging. Giving myself tough love turned into self-loathing so gently, gently, took over which ended in gold stars rather than harsh reprimands.

I'm not going to get into sleep in this blog because it needs a blog of it's own to cover it sufficiently.

Wherever you are at in your journey please do this one thing for yourself................Be gentle.

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